What moms do all day
By Brent E. McCoy thereal@roadrunner.com

There was a request in last week's issue for people to write in and tell why your mother is special. I had already planned for this week's article to be about Mother's Day, but there is no way that it is going to be 100 words or less. It would probably take 20 words just to list all of the main jobs that a mom does. Let's find out.

Moms are generally the family chef (1) and short order cook (2). Gourmet meals are routinely prepared for special occasions, and sandwiches, soups and special orders are served up as soon as the order is placed.

Once all of the meals are finished, who gets the honor of cleaning up? It's probably the human automatic dishwasher (3).

Moms are a family's primary source of transportation (4). Pickups and drop-offs are scheduled throughout the day, every day of the week. Moms even have their own code of the road, as any "non-mom" foolish enough to venture near an elementary or middle school just before or just after classes start will find out. This doesn't really count as a job- it's more of a temporary, bizarre lifestyle.

I only know two moms who have actually graduated medical school but the medical knowledge (5) possessed by one single mom is probably equal to the average doctor of just a few generations ago. And their rates are a lot more reasonable. There is no deductible for a kiss to make the "owee" go away. Moms also moonlight as the family psychiatrist (6) and emergency dentist (7).

The art of the tailor (8) is almost forgotten except for the moms who mend clothes and make the costumes for the play. And all of those clothes have to be washed. And who is going to wash them? I'll wager that it's the mom, the family laundry maid (9). And since we already have a laundry maid, it's no big deal to have her double as the house cleaner, too (10).

It's been said that people don't volunteer like they used to. This may be because moms are so busy helping out at school (11), be- ing team moms (12) and chief organizers (13) for this sport and that event that they don't have any time to volunteer.

There aren't enough tutors (14) to go around, so it falls to the mom to fill in after school specializing in everything from math to literature.

Every efficient organization needs a supply officer (15) and quartermaster (16) to make sure that the supply cabinets are always wellstocked. Look around your house, and I'll bet that it's the mom to whom this duty falls.

Somebody needs to keep track of the family records (17), and, again, I'll bet that the mom is the one most likely to be voted this task.

Moms are also generally in charge of the family public relations (18) and the neighborhood news services (19). Moms know who belongs in the neighborhood and who doesn't, so they become an unofficial neighborhood watch (20).

Some moms even have real jobs outside of the family (21).

Well, I listed at least 20 jobs that moms have, and I only stopped because it's getting late and the kids are hungry, tired and they have homework to do. Fortunately, my wife (and their mom) has just arrived home after doing the shopping on her way home from work.

"Ohhh, dear."