What influence?
By Brent E. McCoy thereal@adelphia.net

I've included the unofficial email address under my name for about half-a-year now. I'd like to report that the results are close to 50/50. There seem to be about the same number of messages that were never sent as there are messages that were never written.

Since I brought it up, I would like to thank all of you who have chosen to share a few kind words, in e-mails or in person. They are truly appreciated.

It is one of the great pleasures in life to be able to help someone in need. I have, over the past half year, received a few emails asking if I might be able to use my influence for this or that. Now, don't misunderstand, I'm a pretty easy touch. But there is something that should be explained at this point.

The independent humor columnist really doesn't have all that much influence. At least, this one doesn't. As in any organization, there is a hierarchy where the important decisions are made and where the real influence resides. The columnist is not part of the hierarchy. He is usually a member of a "lowerarchy," where influence is as rare as an accurate five-day weather forecast.

In a newspaper, it takes the publisher and the associate publisher, the managing editor and the editor, the production manager, the staff writers, the sports editors and writers, the photographers, the copy editors, the typesetters and proofreaders, the lawyers, the layout and design people, the sales staff and the ad salespeople, the delivery folks, the cleaning crew and many others to keep a newspaper going. In terms of real power and influence, the lowly columnist is somewhere further down the list.

Actually, I've only met a few of these folks in the little over three years that I've been writing this column. To tell you the truth, I'm not sure if I'm allowed to actually gaze upon their person. I was hoping to meet them all at the paper's Christmas party on Dec. 7. Unfortunately, I was unable to make it since I didn't find out about it until the fifth- Jan. 5.

In making the above list, I did not mean to imply that one position is more important than another. I certainly don't want to offend the copy editor. That's the one person on the staff who really scares me, because they are the ones who can inflict real damage on a writer. They have the power. A copy editor could let an embarrassing mistake just pass on through, rendering great damage to the writer's reputation.

But, having said that, I feel safe that the copy editor will protect my reputation. After all, they can catch any mistake because they all know much gooder English than most writers does.

The publishers have influence; they make the final decisions. The editors have influence; they decide what form this week's issue will take- also whether a particular writer gets to try again in a couple of weeks. They are also responsible for the comments on the editorial page, where you, the reader have a voice.

The ad salespeople make sure that this paper is delivered to you free of charge.

All of the others listed wield some form of influence.

By the way, these good people are listed in every issue. If this column is placed where it usually is (see editors above), just look to the left or go back a page.

Our regular readers will understand when I say that if there is any doubt as to the true power of this column, just take a look at the progress with fixing the dip on the southbound 23 Freeway just before the Los Angeles off-ramp.